The Spirits

I have all kinds of mixed feelings about this image.  Lately I’ve been lacking creativity and any image idea that I come up with either falls apart or I completely lose interest in it midway through shooting or editing.  So in order to think up some picture idea, I went to my old photo stream and started browsing through that.  I came across an older image I did that was vastly popular and for good reason.

It was during a project I was working on where I would portray different mental illnesses through fine art.  This one was actually an image of Catatonic Schizophrenia.  I gotta say, I absolutely LOVE all the details in this image.  I really wish I would have been able to get such detail on my current image…but seeing as I was attempting to balance myself on a mattress while the shutter speed was at something like 2 seconds…it just doesn’t work out that well.  And unfortunately in this new place I’m not blessed with an open corner like I was in the dorm room I shot the above image in.

However, my current image, while it may not be as initially striking as my older image, has a very unique charm about it that I like.  It’s very mysterious and haunting.  It also feels a bit more…put together than my last image.  I honestly feel like it shows my growth in photography over the last few years.  It may not be a stark change but I can definitely tell the difference.

I remember now why I was absolutely in love with playing around with shutter speed.  It makes yummy images!

The Darkest Hour

I thought it’d be kinda fun to explore my creative process with my latest image.  I’ve been having a difficult time the last few days coming up with something original and/or something I really liked.  I’m not entirely sure how to describe the sensation I get when I think an idea is a good one.  It’s like a light inside; something clicks within me and I think “I need to do this!  Whatever it takes, I’m going to make it happen!“

I went through about 5 different ideas and attempted three of them before winding up with this idea.  I’m not sold on it 100% but I wasn’t with my last image either and now I love it more than the rest.  So I figure it’s worth posting.

Usually when I’m trying to brainstorm I’ll come up with an idea one of numerous ways.  Either I’ll remember an image I saw before that I loved and want to gather inspiration from that, something in the real world sets off an inspiration spark in my brain, or I’ll pull something from absolutely nothing…just staring at a screen.

And once I pull inspiration from somewhere I pull up either paint or photoshop.  I make a 500×500 blank image and begin to draw…horrible drawings, mind you, but it helps me visualize the position of arms, legs, cropping, ect.  I’m a wholly visual person so this technique works for me.  I also have a little sketchbook my amazing fiance got me for Christmas to doodle in as well.

This is the little drawing I did for today’s image.  As you can see most of my drawings don’t end up being what comes out.  I originally wanted a darker more sinister image…a sickly young woman accepting her inevitable death by clinging to a ladder that ascends into heaven.

Sometimes when shooting and editing, the image turns out differently than I originally planned.  Sometimes the meaning is completely different.  But it’s crucial for me to have that foundation to work off of.  In the end, my process is my own and it works for me.  And it doesn’t really matter what my original image idea was so long as the final image is something I love.

Poseidon’s Wrath

It’s been a few days since I’ve created an image due to my work schedule.  Yesterday I attempted to do this image but waited too long to take it.  By the time I got to my room the sun was on the other side of the building…cue frustration, digital noise, and sloppy images. By 7pm I was tired and decided to try again later.

I’m still a bit iffy on the post processing…I like it but something still feels a little off.  But I have other things I need to tend to and I really think this is the best it’s going to get right now.  No matter what I did the left side of the image was continually blown out.  This is actually the 6th post processed image.  The others:

Ultimately I liked the less saturated, textured image…though they’re each rather unique in their own way.

Now it’s time for a spoiler alert!  Though for most people it may not be a huge spoiler.  But for those who don’t want to know how I achieved the clouds, read no further.  You have been warned!

For years I’ve admired images by Lissy Elle & Rosie Hardy which feature clouds.  I was always fascinated by the life like interaction they were able to obtain.  At some point I wrote to Lissy and asked her how it was achieved.  I got my answer and since then I’ve been dying to give it a try.  But for whatever reason I never obtained the correct materials to do this…and it only cost me $4! $4 for endless inspiration.

The answer?

Pillow stuffing!  That stuff is amazing in every way.  It’s not only fun to play with, but as you’re playing with it you think: this really does look like a cloud!  It fascinates me every time I play with it.  Like…the SOOC shot isn’t edited at all and yet it looks like I’m standing on top of a brewing storm.  So I highly recommend running to Walmart and spending $4 on pillow stuffing and then having a photography play session with it.  You’ll get delicious results!

A Diseased State of Being

The last two days I have created something from pretty much nothing.  I had no clue as to what I wanted to do and no clue as to how I was going to do it.  But they just…happened and I’m absolutely thrilled with the results!  But what more, I’m thrilled I can finally say I’m at a place of peace with myself regarding my art.

When I was editing this piece, I didn’t anticipate it to be popular what-so-ever.  There isn’t anything particularly catchy about the image nor is there any fancy manipulation involved.  (Granted, I did spend a lot of time with the image in photoshop!)  But that doesn’t seem to matter to me anymore.  Of course I want my images to do well and I’d give anything to be a well known artist like Brooke Shaden, Alex Stoddard, or Lissy Elle but I’m not creating art to become them anymore.

Only a few months ago I was quite disgruntled with myself and my work.  Why?  Because I kept obsessively comparing my work to other established artists.  I was trying to mimic them…I was trying to be them.  That was probably the biggest mistake I could have made for myself.  As an artist I need to find my own path; my own idea of success and of beauty.  I’m not going to get anywhere without being true to myself and this especially applies in the art world.

Art isn’t copying others in hopes of fame.  Art is being true to yourself and expressing those dreams, goals, fears, and experiences.  It’s about sharing a bit of your soul in one brief photograph.  It’s making beauty from nothing.  It’s disregarding traditional views of success, art, and composition and finding them within yourself.

You can’t be an artist without being true to yourself.

And this work is about as true as I feel I can get.  I didn’t make it for views or comments; I made it for myself.  I made it for anyone whose willing to sit down and really look at the image.  I edited it in my own style and my own way.  This image is wholly me.

And I hope if I ever get to that place of success that all artists dream of that others will look at my work and become inspired to find their own artistic voice.  I sincerely hope that nobody attempts to copy or mimic me…because it’s such a sad cycle to put yourself in (and is definitely not worth it)

Before & After

Drowning

It’s been a few months since I’ve created an image.  Winter was tough for me, I came down with nearly half a dozen different illnesses (including the stomach flu and a staph infection of the eye) and was suffering from some minor depression.  But now that the weather is improving I feel a new sense of inspiration and creativity!  Ultimately, it’s just important to get myself up and creating again.

I’m actually quite proud of this image!  Granted, I have a few issues with it-the first one being that I was unable to add bubbles to make it really seem as if I was submerged under water.  I also think I shouldn’t have pinned my hair up, but rather should have had it “floating”.  But I am quite pleased with the tones.  They’re the tones I have always admired in other’s work!  Not to mention I’m in love with the stark difference to the original image.

As you can imagine I had a significant amount of 1 on 1 time with my beloved friend, the clone tool.  But I find editing images quite calming and cleansing.  Cloning for an hour and a half?  Yes please!  And I feel quite blessed that I can watch the image evolve from the beginning to the end; something only I can see.

Expect more from me!  I’m on the photography bandwagon now!

Ophelia’s Death Before & After

Lately I was struck with a horrible case of the stomach flu and lost pretty much all inspiration.  I’ve been trying to organize another photo shoot with my Juliet model but it’s crawling along.  I was thinking about doing a self portrait but I’m fairly idea-less and unmotivated.  I’m hoping the life I felt for art previously returns soon.

In the meantime, I have a before and after pic of my latest image “The Moment of Death”

Pursuit of Art

Over the last few weeks I have been forced to confront the question: is art worth pursuing?

This became especially apparent yesterday when I met the model at the location to re-shoot Ophelia, only to realize I had forgotten my camera.  We are planning to re-shoot today so my despair wasn’t grounded in disappointment but rather  I was forced to question myself and my actions.

I was an inconvenience to everyone for my mistake, not to mention, I am using valuable resources for art.  The location is a half hour drive away from the apartments, so a lot of money was wasted on gas.  Garry was also home sick with a bad cough and I made him go out and take me there–for nothing.

All of this for what?

As we were driving home and the tears were streaming down my cheeks, the answer to that question was: “for a few comments and views”

I felt as if I had just wasted everyone’s time and money for the pursuit of attention.  I wanted to give up everything; just call Lisa and tell her not to worry about showing up and email Katrin about not going through with the Juliet shoot.  I didn’t feel like the means were justifying the end result.  I couldn’t bear the thought that I was cumbersome to others for a selfish pursuit.

After a good meal at Chilis and with some time, I settled down.  I wrote to Brooke Shaden last night, possibly looking for some validation to my actions.  I think I just needed to be reminded that I am human and thus I will make mistakes; these mistakes don’t define me in the end.

She replied almost immediately and ultimately helped me feel more grounded in the reality of the situation.  Mistakes are going to happen and they’re not what define us: how we deal with them is what defines us.  I could chose to give up and let the guilt consume me or I could chose to pursue this and make amends.

Ultimately, I choose to continue pursuing my art despite everything.  I choose to make amends with my model (with the help of brownies and hot chocolate and amazing photographs) and continue following my passion.  It’s not about resources or money, it’s about expressing who I am.  Art isn’t just a hobby for me; it’s who I am.  It’s the only thing I can truly call my own and that is more important than anything.

In the words of the amazing Brooke Shaden: “…remember that art is nothing more than an extension of ourselves, so I’d say that you, and art, are worth fighting for.”